Stuff I Learned: Beach 2011

So, I’m back from my beach trip.  It was awesome.  The end. 


Snort.  If you know me at all, you know that is nowhere near the end. 


Freddie and I had a fabulous time while on our trip to the wild blue yonder. The entire weekend was perfect.  We were lazy and girlie and covered in sunscreen which meant that we did not have to spend any days in misery lamenting over our lobster skin.  We taste-tested some adult beverages and tried new restaurants and rode bikes and read books.  We also planned a lovely evening of chick flicks, wine and pizza.  See? Perfect!


I think you should take something away from every experience you have in life, and I have given this concept a lot of thought since we returned.  I don’t want to bore you with the details of the trip, especially because they lose something when you weren’t there to share it. Also, I don’t want to feel like I am showing off because Freddie and I had such a nice time.  I did learn some fun things, though, and you guys are lucky in that I want to share them with you.  I call it “Imparting Wisdom”.  Without further ado, following please find my list of Stuff I Learned: Beach 2011.


  • Sticking my feet in the sand and the ocean grounds me.  When that happens, I am one of the happiest most peaceful persons on the planet.  I have always known this but it bears repeating.  So that you can also remain happy and peaceful, I will not include any photos of me in my swimsuit.  You can, however, see me naked in several locations on this trip.



  • When you want drink recipes, ask Felix.  We did that on our first day down there thinking that we would mix our own and gaily traipse down to the beach with them every day. Holy Moly, did we hit the mother lode.  That man is a genius when it comes to liquor. Somehow we never made our own drinks, though. 


  • Responding to your co-worker’s question “Which person is wilder, you or Freddie?” with “We are both perfect angels.” will make him shoot Coke out his nose.


  •  There is a reason why the fruity drink in the Irish pub was named “Three Sheets”.


  • When you take a picture of your “Three Sheets” cocktail and text it to all your friends at 1:00 on a Friday afternoon while they are still working and are more than ready to go home and start their own fabulous weekends, don’t be surprised when you receive this text in reply:




  • Saying the two words “my husband” will make the stranger whose mental state can generously be described as “burnt” run like a scalded dog. This would have been handy to know before his two-day assault on our lying-in-the-sun-relax time.  Honestly, the guy was friendly enough but once a conversation has run its course, the next logical course of action is to go away.  Somehow he never made that connection and spent quite a lot of time offering us his phone number, suggestions for restaurants and invites to local activities.   Lucky for us, we discovered his Kryptonite after two short days.  That would be Freddie’s husband.  Let’s call him Ian.  I think Ian would be strangely proud to know that he is someone’s Kryptonite. 


  • There is a trade off for good stuff that happens.  We had perfect weather in Florida.  Absolutely gorgeous.  We had hideous weather when we returned to Nashville.  Dreadful.  We flew in during another freaking monsoon and had to circle the airport a few times to avoid landing during the storm. Normally I’m great on planes and the turbulence does not bother me, but this time?  Oof.  I wanted to varmint. 


  • As much as I love vacations, I love coming home more.  Well, mostly.  But coming home to a cat who expresses his displeasure at your absence by peeing on the carpet will put a damper on your enthusiasm rather quickly.  Murphy.  Sigh. I wondered if he had some lingering resentment over Seamus winning the battle of the suitcase snuggling, so I’ve left it in the middle of my bedroom floor for them to nap on in turns. 


  • When you ask Louis the Security Guard if he noticed that you were gone and if he missed you, he will say, “Yep, I knew you were gone.  Want to know how I knew?  Because it was quiet.  I didn’t hear a flea.  That’s how I knew.”


  • Freddie and I can take a trip together for three concentrated days and still like each other when we return.  At least I still like her.  Strangely, I have not seen her much since we’ve been back.  Huhn. 


BONUS WISDOM: Randomly – this has nothing to do with this weekend but my mother called after reading my post about the crab apples to tell me that those apples are the perfect base for pepper jelly.  I had no idea . . .


Also, I have yet to discover that I left something behind.  Maybe I have learned my lesson?


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