Love, Jimmie

What the frick is up with the monsoons already?  This weather is wreaking havoc on my hair which, honestly, needs no help to look like crap.  It can do that on its own.

I do have a story here.  For those of you who know me, you already know it will take me a bit to get there.  So here begins my circuitous route to the punch line.

We’ve got a new-to-us guy in the office.  I remember what it was like being the new person in a new office in a new city where I knew precisely one person and that person worked ALL THE WAY ACROSS TOWN.  My new co-workers took me to lunch my first day but then I felt sort of lost and adrift for a few weeks until I established my own friend pool to go to lunch with.  I resolved then that anyone who might be suffering from New Person Syndrome would not suffer it long around me. 

A complete aside here (I know! Shocking!).  Dammit Todd and I used to work together.  Before that, though, he had to interview with our company.  I was the first line of defense for anyone coming into our office unsolicited, usually people selling their job placement services.  So when Dammit Todd showed up in a suit and tie, I naturally assumed that he was there to sell us something and I was no how, no way going to let him get away with that.  He asked for the big boss and I said, “Did you bring me a present?”  He got quiet and said, “No.” I replied, “Well, you can’t come in here without bringing me a present.”  And he didn’t say a word.  And then Lynnette (we also used to work together) came up to get Dammit Todd and said, “Oh, hi Dammit Todd.  Are you here for your interview?”  So, yeah . . . . I really did ask him to lunch on his first day and then introduced myself properly as “Jimmie, your favorite” and we have been fast friends ever since. 

Back to the new-to-us guy.  I like the name Quan for him.  I’m not sure why.  We, and by we I mean I, are (am) still getting him used to us as a group.  I must say, he fits in like he’s always been here so going to lunch with him is a treat for all of us.  Really, I just cannot emphasize enough how much we really like him.

On Tuesday we got a pile of us together for lunch and walked up the hill to the Mongolian BBQ place.  Have you ever been to one?   A small bowl costs you one price, a large another.  I love watching the people who can take the smaller bowl and craft a larger bowl out of it by lining the edges with snow peas and then stuffing it full.  Amazing.  We had a great lunch and talked a lot and got fortune cookies.  And then I learned that Quan belonged to us because he sent the following email when we got back to the office: 

PS – I shouldn’t have even gotten a fortune cookie … they always suck for me.  Mine said:  Others take notice of your radiance. Share your happiness.

What a load of crap. 

Isn’t that great?

Fast forward to today.  Because I tend to be a creature of obsession when it comes to food, I’ll wear a place out for about six months to a year before I get sick of it.   And it’s Friday, the day usually reserved for having lunch out with my friends.  Never mind that the weather forecasts called for rain and heavy thunderstorms and wind, my friends and I did not bring lunch from home.  We said we would go somewhere close and yummy and not worry about the weather. And we picked the Mongolian BBQ place.  Again.

Also despite the weather forecasts calling for rain and heavy thunderstorms and wind, I left my umbrella (that I stole from my boss – you would have too because it’s really nice and big) in the car. 

Also despite the weather forecasts calling for rain and heavy thunderstorms and wind, I wore a short skirt and sandals today which really has nothing to do with the story except I wanted to whine about being cold and wet now. 

I had no lunch, no umbrella, and no warmth but we were still going to the place up the hill for lunch because I was insistent.  I borrowed an umbrella from a guy on my floor, we walked out the door, and the wind immediately whipped that umbrella inside out.  My hair was ruined.  I wrestled the umbrella back into some semblance of order and continued on. Felix’s umbrella was also wrangled into a bit of a mess.  Quan’s umbrella did beautifully.  Lucky dog. 

Felix and I traipsed on, holding our mangled umbrellas low over our heads and sort of wrapped around us like plastic wrap. We could not see a thing but luckily for us, we only ran into one parked van and one large marble sign.  No injuries were sustained.  Quan just strolled on behind us with his perfectly lovely, fully functioning umbrella.  Jerk face.

I suppose I can let Quan have his perfectly lovely umbrella, though.  Today his fortune read:  You will soon receive a letter from a loved one.  Awful, isn’t it?  The guy already has the perfect umbrella.  He doesn’t get the perfect fortune too. 

And here is the point of my story.  I returned the umbrella to the guy on my floor after our lunch adventure.  It did me no good in the monsoon.  My hair is a mess.  It’s crunchy and flat.  I spent more time putting the umbrella back together as I walked than the umbrella did protecting me from the elements.  I told him all this.   I cannot understand why he is upset with me.  Really. Can you? 

This is why people don’t let me borrow their stuff.