Love, Jimmie

I have a lot to say, just not a lot about any one thing, so I decided to write you something for every day this week (weekends not included because A. nobody bothers to show up here on weekends, even me and B. I should be out doing other stuff to recommend to you for the weekends).  Although if you are anything like me you will blow through all of it right now and won’t pace yourself at all.  I can’t help it if you have no patience or cannot control yourself.  I give my good advice and you do with it what you will.  Speaking of advice, below is mine. 

MONDAY:  You know what you guys should do?  You should move to Nashville.  I did six years ago and it’s been great fun.  Prior to moving here, I lived in Alabama for ten years.  Despite having a college degree and an outstanding work ethic and some common sense, I lived below the poverty level for four of those years.  Took me long enough to get sick of that, but once I realized that North Alabama is a fantastic place to retire or to have children or to develop a really nasty prescription pill addiction, none of which applied to me, I decided to get the heck up outta there.  I found a great job in Nashville that paid loads more than what I made in Alabama and it had benefits.  Paid benefits!  I moved into a brand new apartment with new carpet and new paint and it was all mine.  I no longer had to worry about my neighbors growing pot in their closets or the girls next to me being arrested for prostitution.  I arrived and aside from that one gunfight at my apartment complex between some rednecks and college frat boys, I was safe!  Highly Recommend A Strategic Move!  

TUESDAY:  You know what you guys should do?  You should go on a Scavenger Hunt with Freddie and Rickkster!    I did and it was great fun.  The Scavenger Hunt involved us receiving instructions via text, running all over downtown Nashville, and competing against 1000 other people to not win hockey tickets.  Its fine, I don’t really “get” hockey anyway.  It’s a blast to watch the rabid fans go nuts when a fight starts but the fighting itself squicks me out.  I’m not a violent person.  Plus I like men with all their teeth.  Anyway, we performed Amazing Race-like stunts like rolling tires across an obstacle course, doing word puzzles and shooting a hockey puck into a tiny goal.  You know what is really helpful for that one?  Me yelling, “Rickkster, your manhood rests on this!  You cannot miss.”  He missed, but he nearly took out a window with his hockey puck, he hit it so manfully.  You know what else is really helpful for that one?  Me yelling, “Freddie, your manhood rests on this!  You cannot miss.”  Her puck flipped over twice and went a total of two inches, she hit so femininely.  I missed my hockey puck altogether which perhaps explains why I don’t really “get” hockey.  Anyway, Highly Recommend Scavenger Hunts!

Jimmie meets the A Team at the Scavenger Hunt and hopes that they do not sue her for unauthorized use of their images as she did not ask permission to share this photo. However, she did crop out any unflattering views of herself.

WEDNESDAY:   You know what else you guys should do?  You should take Phranke out to eat for her birthday!  I did and it was great fun.  She turned young and to celebrate I took her to this place called The Pfunky Griddle.  It’s a place that lets you cook your own pancakes and whatnot.  Who wouldn’t want to go to a restaurant where you cook your own food?  As opposed to cooking your own food at home?  Where you PAY for the privilege of cooking your own food AND you leave a tip for the same privilege? It’s like The Melting Pot only cheaper.  Highly Recommend The Pfunky Griddle!  (Item of note:  You don’t have to wash your own dishes.)   

Jimmie cropped Phranke out as she does not have permission to share her photos and since she cares about Phranke, she complies with her wishes. Also, cooking French Toast.

THURSDAY:  You know what else you guys should do?  You should meet Phranke over at the new Nordstrom in Green Hills.  I did and it was great fun.  You can try on shoes like these:

Is this a joke?

Jimmie wearing a tranny shoe

And purchase clothing like this:   

Fuh-uh-gly.

Maybe for a wedding dress but for jeans you should not be caught dead in? No.

It’s ridiculous.  Clearly there are people out there who have too much money and time, phenomena I have never experienced.  While I cannot highly recommend shopping at Nordstrom, I can Highly Recommend Making Fun Of People Who Shop At Nordstrom!

FRIDAY:  You know what?  I can’t do another one.  I’m so sleepy I cannot even concentrate.  I went to a play last night (Screwtape Letters – Highly Recommend) after a long run/walk yesterday morning (Six Miles – Highly Recommend) and after a dinner that was ridiculous in portion size (Monell’s – Highly Recommend) and then I couldn’t sleep last night.  I was on my floor at 2:00 am in the pigeon pose trying to stretch out my non-J Lo butt because it just hurt so badly from the run/walk and kept spasming into a cramp.  And then Roomate, who is moving out this weekend, got up eeaarrrrlllyyyyyy to do some laundry and Mini got all excited that People! Were Up! that she started barking and since I was awake already due to my crampy butt, I just got up and went to church (Jesus – Highly Recommend) and now I’m in my café writing (which I would Highly Recommend if I had the energy). 

A total aside: Mrs. White, my high school English teacher, would have given me a failing grade for all of these run-on sentences and sentence fragments had I turned this missive in as a paper.   

So that’s it, guys.  Highly Recommended Suggestions from Jimmie.  Hopefully in the next couple of weeks I will have some additional Highly Recommended Suggestions as Woney and I are going on a trip and just had the following conversation about an Event:

Woney:  How would you feel about going to see Real Steel with Hugh Jackman in IMAX on Saturday? 

Jimmie:  Does he show off his arms?

Woney:  I’m hoping he’s shirtless at least twice.  But he plays a boxer so I’m sure the arms will be glorious in IMAX. 

Jimmie:  Then OH MY YES!

Lookee there.  Looks like I got a second wind.  Huh.  Turns out Hugh Jackman’s Arms = Highly Recommend! 

I cannot even stand it. So pretty . . . .