Love, Jimmie

1. People who talk to me like I’m stupid.  My life is not one giant happy accident resulting in my success.  I did not get here by being dumb.
2. The word moist.  Also, morsel.  Stupidest, grossest words ever.
3. While we are on the subject of words, I’d like to add using the words fork and spoon as verbs instead of nouns.
4. People who do not use turn signals.  Yes, I realize that the lawful use of them would potentially devalue your car by dozens of pennies, especially when you consider that the bulb might go out one day resulting in you having to hand over $1.89 for a new one.  But really, are those dozens of pennies that important when I’m barreling down the interstate at 80 miles an hour towards you  and you suddenly decide you want to be in my lane?  I don’t think so. 
5. Jazz.
6. The phrase “on tomorrow” as in “I will send that email on tomorrow.”  Is that even proper grammar?
7. My hair, when it won’t do right.
8. This website right here:  White Castle Recipes.  I cannot think of anyone who wants to use 10 White Castle burgers as the main ingredient for stuffing for the holiday meals.  Just no. This is wrong on so many levels.
9. Spam comments on my post that consists only of pictures:  Youre (sic) so right. Im (sic) there with you. Your blog is surely worth a read if anyone comes throughout (sic) it. Im(sic) lucky I did because now Ive (sic) acquired a whole new view of this. I didnt (sic) realise (sic) that this issue was so important and so universal. You absolutely put it in perspective for me. Well, of course I did, because my picture of a cat showing his man parts is universal and important.
10. Me.  When I am less than honest with people I care about. It is a terrible habit of mine and it only serves to hurt the other person, even if I’m doing it with the best of intentions.  I’m practicing on not doing that. 

And now, a conversation that did not irritate me.   Jimmie and her co-worker, Always Keith, text in the early a.m. about the umbrella he left in her car: 

Jimmie:  I have your umbrella.  Bring one million dollars is small bills to the office for its safe return. 

Always Keith:  I’ll cut you . . .

Jimmie:  You forgot the “dawg” part.  It’s “I’ll cut you, dawg.”   C’mon man.  Still, one million dollars.  I will not negotiate. 

Always Keith:  I will cut you female dawg . . .

Jimmie:  Damn.  That was impressive.