Men, A Gift Giving Guide

Alright, boys, I’m here to help.  I know that most of you have yet to begin your Christmas shopping.  I’m guessing Wal-Greens is your first stop. Actually, I’m guessing Wal-Greens is your only stop.  While I personally feel like you should have already scoped out the perfect gift for your girl and ordered it online from Tiffany (or Godiva), I understand that perhaps you operate best under pressure and since you have a full 30 hours left of the holiday shopping season, you feel calm and serene.  Amirite?

A few years ago when I was a married woman, I had a husband who felt like useful gifts were a fantastic idea.  I’m here to tell you that they are not.  He purchased for me one year a Dust Buster.  You know, one of those instruments to CLEAN with.  As a Christmas gift.   For ME to CLEAN with.  I did manage to smile and say thank you.  He had purchased it before Christmas and wrapped it himself, so A for effort.  But my Dust Buster broke in the first year of ownership and do you know he got me another one the next year for Christmas?  That was a pleasant experience for him and me both.

Men, I care for you.  I want what is best for you.  I hate to see you spend long, lonely, cold nights in your dog house.  Because I care for you and don’t want you to spend long, lonely, cold nights in your dog house, I have compiled a short checklist for you to help with your holiday giving this year.   

  1. Small boxes are best.  Blue ones (like Tiffany blue, for example) or gold (like Godiva gold, for example) are particularly appealing.  Also, gift card boxes are extremely welcome as are small notes inside of big boxes that read:  Merry Christmas, baby. Let’s go shopping. 
  2. If your gift plugs in and she has not specifically asked for it, take it back.  Immediately.
  3. Cookware is not a good gift.  Nor are cleaning items of any sort. Anything that we can use to better serve YOU?  No.
  4. If you value your life at all, or most importantly your nether regions, do not even consider, nay don’t even breathe in the direction of exercise equipment or diet books.  Purchasing gifts of this nature will cause women everywhere to react in the same manner, as if you threw us nekkid out of the car onto 2nd Avenue. 

Following these simple rules will allow everyone to have a safe and happy holiday season.  It will also allow you to sleep in your own bed on Christmas night.  Isn’t that a nice thought?



5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. craftycritter
    Dec 23, 2012 @ 20:01:44

    What a shame John didn’t see the last part of number 1 before my birthday.


    • jimmiesworld
      Dec 24, 2012 @ 01:06:03

      You give me his number. I’ll take care of that.


      • craftycritter
        Dec 31, 2012 @ 08:24:40

        Dang it! WordPress needs to email me when there are replies. Of course, it would help if I selected that option originally 🙂 He definitely redeemed himself with a beautiful sparkly piece for Christmas. Not the Amethyst I wanted, but Tanzanite is very definitely a close second. He was funny though, he though if he got me a piece that was dark enough I wouldn’t know the different. A) I know my Tanzanite and Amethyst; I’d know the difference and B) The darker the Tanzanite, the more expensive. I know he wouldn’t pay for something that resembles Amethyst, it’d be too much. Goofy man.

  2. Burt Empson
    Dec 23, 2012 @ 20:56:02

    LOL….Thanks, but this dude is proud to say that I did all my Christmas shopping a couple days after Thanksgiving 🙂


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