I have a lot going on this week. I’m pretty excited about it. One of the things that I love the most about this summer is that all of my vacations are people coming to see me! It makes me very happy because over the years I’ve learned that me going to see other people or taking a trip away from home often involves fishing of some sort, and I’ve gotta tell you, fishing is not my bag. So when the vacation is on me, no way are we going fishing. (I do have a story about how last weekend Daddy-O and JiJi were here, and how we spent two hours in the Bass Pro Shop but I’m not quite ready to relive that.)
Woney was here a few weeks ago. Daddy-O and JiJi were here last weekend. Woney is coming back with Nurse Bananahammock in September. And this week another friend of mine is coming to visit me. I’ve known her since college. We were basketball managers together, and thus, kindred spirits despite the fact that she mostly did it for the love of the game while I mostly did it for the love of the tall boy. Her name for blogging purposes is Jonquil. More on that later.
There are several reasons why I luff Jonquil.
- She is the happiest person I know in the morning. That happiness carries over into most of the day. I appreciate this quality in her much more now that I’m in my 30’s than I did when I was in college. When you are 19 years old and awakened with a 6:00 am phone call in which Jonquil says “Good Morning, Have a Happy!” I can assure you that you will think Jonquil is a vicious, vicious cow and wonder why in the name of all that is holy you decided to be friends with her and give her your phone number. But as you mellow with age, as I have, and mature you will embrace that cheerfulness and strive to be more like her in your countenance.
- She has a happy decorating style. The first time I visited her, she had decoupaged her garage door with about a million flowers she had cut from magazines. The last visit, she had painted her shutters a bright royal purple. I know she also painted creative murals on her laundry room walls because she reasoned that she spends a good chunk of her life there and might as well enjoy the view. Her husband says that she is the only person he knows who can make a home improvement and actually devalue the house.
- Jonquil is the only person I know who can injure herself almost beyond all repair for no reason whatsoever. She told me the story once of how she was waiting for a bus and just kind of fell over, destroying her ankle in the process. She had a large reconstructive surgery and went through a big old medical mess and had nothing to blame for it like “clouds in the sky” or “rain” or “faulty bus driving”. Of course the fact that she gets hurt often is not grounds for laughter. But when she does something spectacularly awful to herself, she sends email updates like “Momentous news! My knee scab fell off today!”
- She loves daffodils. How lucky is her husband? When he finds himself in the doghouse, he does not have to spend thousands of dollars to purchase a Cotton Candy Flamingo Flower or other such nonsense. Nope, he can just take a stroll into the yard and pick a bunch of happy yellow flowers and make his amends. (And now you see how I am clever with the names, no?)
Because I luff her and her family so much, I have prepared for their visit. I’ve cleaned out the litter boxes and lectured the kitties about good behavior. I’ve scrubbed the bathrooms. I bought snazzy new pillowcases for her children’s beds. I removed all lingerie items from the laundry room so as not to embarrass anyone (her husband). And I’ve made the upstairs bedroom nice and cozy for Jonquil and her husband.
I received an email from Jonquil expressing her excitement about our visit. She also explained that she really needs to get away as she has been suffering from a raging case of pink eye and also has what her doctor called an “Impressive Double Ear Infection.” Did you catch the part where I made the UPSTAIRS bedroom her room for the week? I’m certain that with her vision impaired and her balance all out of whack and her propensity for nearly destroying herself regularly, I made the best decision. I’m such a good person. Lord have mercy on her, I hope she lives through this vacation.
Love, Jimmie 
Aug 01, 2011 @ 18:16:38
I am cracking up! Will be laughing all the way to Nash-vegas!
Aug 01, 2011 @ 23:32:11
As Jonquil’s husband, I feel compelled to comment on Jimmie’s post about my wife and our imminent arrival.
First of all, Jonquil is no longer the happiest person in the morning. That youthful zest for life in the morning has been wiped away by the need for an inordinate amount of sleep that she never gets as the mother of two. Even though she sometimes is able to sneak in a nap during the day (which one would think would help matters), upon waking from those siestas, the typical morning crankiness is replayed. Now, Jonquil does have a sunny disposition for much of the day, but not quite as cheerful when she had fewer cares in the world.
Jimmie did well to reflect my views on Jonquil’s interior and exterior decorating as well as describe her proclivity for injury. Regarding her many injuries,it must be noted that whenever she injures herself, there is always something or someone to blame other than herself. She has fiercely scorned the bed when she has stubbed her toe on it, and she has chided me when almost twisting her ankle by stepping on one of my shoes that somehow has gotten in her way. IT IS NEVER HER FAULT! Her anger when she gets injured is all the more ironic as she laughs hysterically when others in her family face misfortune or injury. A small child tripping and falling is as funny to Jonquil as Jerry Lewis in one of those old movies, despite the tears of a bleeding child.
As far as me getting out of Jonquil’s doghouse by simply pulling some daffodils from a garden, there could be nothing farther from the truth. Keep in mind those darn flowers are only out for a few weeks in the Spring, anyway. If I’m in the doghouse, no amount of flowers is going to rescue my butt. I do all that I can to appease her, but generally wait until it blows over, which can be a significant amount of time. She’s still ticked that our first meeting on a “blind date” was not so “blind” for me, since I checked her out anonymously a few days beforehand and decided to go ahead anyway. That was over 15 years ago (I think).
Anyway, I don’t want to distract too much from Jimmie’s hilarious portrayal of my wife. We are all eager to see Jimmie and spend some time in her town. Jonquil has her sight, but she is still somewhat deaf (more so than usual) due to her double ear infection. Thank goodness Jimmie is no quiet individual so maybe Jonquil will be able to hear everything she says, while me and the kids try desperately to tune them both out.