Pee-Tah: The Best Boyfriend I Never Had

I think I told you recently that Pee-tah came back to Nashville and was moving in with me for a time until he decided what he wanted to do with regards to his living situation.  All of that happened and for five glorious days, we were roomies.  During those five glorious days, Pee-tah decided that Nashville would be his permanent home for a long while and got his own apartment and now we are dating.

Here’s why none of you can be excited about that:  Pee-tah and I both have a keen interest in making out with boys.

But here’s why I am excited about that:

1.  In the five days that Pee-tah lived with me, he vacuumed my house three times.  At least I caught him three times. There might have been more vacuuming that I missed.  All I know is my carpet has never been so shiny clean before nor my clothes so fur free.

2.  Pee-tah has wireless innernet and a television at his apartment.  Because we are dating, he gave me a key to that apartment.  That means I can go over whenever I like and take advantage of his wireless innernet and television.  That also means we can have movie night at his house whenever we want.  We did that right after he moved in, before his boxes were even unpacked.  We chose Flashdance because Pee-tah had never seen it and I didn’t remember it.  I wish we had remained at status quo.  Man, that movie was B-A-D.  However, we agreed that our tastes are similar and we never have to watch it again.  Also, we never watch True Blood.

3.  I still get the whole bed to myself.

4.  I get an allowance from Pee-tah.  When I need cash, he gives it to me.  In return, I cook for him.  We recently had this conversation:

Jimmie:  “Do you have $10 I can borrow?  I have no cash and I have to pay someone back for something.”

Pee-tah:  “Sure.  Here’s $20.  Keep the extra, you might need it.  We’ll call that your allowance.”

Jimmie:  “Thanks!”

And then two days later: 

Jimmie:  “I bought you a chicken.”

Pee-tah:  “Um, thanks?”

Jimmie:  “It’s me, earning my allowance.  I’ll make chicken salad. Do you need anything ironed?”

See how good we are to each other?

5.  I never have to dress up for Pee-tah or shave my legs, despite our boyfriend/girlfriend status.  He likes me just as I am.

6.  I am a good influence on him and him on me.  For example, I taught him how to play a card game called Spite and Malice.  I warned him that playing this game would cause bad words to just fly right out of his mouth.  He did not believe me as Pee-tah NEVER says bad words, NEVER.  But after playing Spite and Malice with me, Pee-tah learned to say the F-word and also other words like damn, shit and this-card-game-sucks-donkey-balls!  In return, Pee-tah cleaned out my pantry and made it organized and since it looks so nice in there, I’m going to try to keep it that way.

7.  He’s taller than me.

8.  When he buys me practical gifts like a fire extinguisher or some safety lights, I truly get excited about it and never fling about the words “no really, it’s FINE.”  The fire extinguisher is my all-time favorite gift.  I’m not kidding.

9.  When I tell him I “have a headache”, we both know I’m telling the truth.

10.  Finally, Pee-tah always, always, always answers the phone when I call.  And I do the same for him. We communicate.

Having a gay boyfriend is the best idea ever!  I don’t know why I didn’t think of it sooner.

6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Felix
    Oct 31, 2013 @ 17:38:55



  2. Bootsie
    Nov 05, 2013 @ 10:09:00

    Pee-tah was almost my gay boyfriend too except we never lived together. I almost saw him nekid too – at the hospitial – we he was hjopped up on hospital juice and writhing in pain froma recent emergency surgery. I did get a little glimpse of his heenie!


  3. Bootsie
    Nov 05, 2013 @ 10:09:29

    Heinie – not heenie!


  4. Bootsie
    Nov 05, 2013 @ 10:09:51

    Or however you spell it!


  5. Lynnette
    Nov 13, 2013 @ 13:04:09

    I love Pee-Tah!


  6. WendyLouWho
    Dec 10, 2013 @ 09:44:16

    I want a Pee-tah! You lucky girl, you 😉


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