Love, Jimmie

I took my nieces to a party with me recently.  It was one of those parties where everyone is supposed to bring some food and then all the men bring bags of chips but no dip and all the women bring cake and sausage balls and some crock pot stuff that has been simmering all day.  When I picked the girls up, I asked them what we should contribute and Pooh said, “Chips and dip.”

“No, that is boy food.  Pick something else.”  She’s not yet a teenager so she hasn’t attended enough parties to learn the rules.

“Cream cheese and olive on crackers?” she suggested.  I nodded, both at her embracing of the stereotype and at her delicious selection.

“Okay, Tigger, what else should we get?” I asked.

She thought about it long and hard and then came up with her best, most sophisticated snack.  “Pudding cups!”

So we had cream cheese and olive and pudding cups at our very grown up party.   It was fantastic.

I’d have written a much better post for you today but I’ve spent some time this week barfing.  Accompanying the barfing were the hot flashes that turned me the color of glue and also made me sweat in very fast and unpleasant ways.  Just yesterday, when it came on like gangbusters, I had to strip down to my matching undercrackers and lay my skin on the cool tile in the bathroom at work so as not to pass out.  I do not want to hear about the germs I picked up down there, nor do I want to hear all the ways that is unsanitary.  I was not in my right mind, y’all, and I will be forgiven for it.  Plus I was nearly nakey at work which is humiliation enough.

Instead of a new post, though, I’ll give you an old one.  Reposting from December 2012

I Nearly Forgot!

Way back in April when I found myself in a state of unemployment, I began the laborious process of cleaning out my office space.  I am a firm believer in moving right into a work environment and what I don’t store at work, I like to schlep back and forth on my person or in my car.  I have, at minimum, a purse, a lunch bag, a computer bag and a makeup bag with me every day.  You never know when you might need any of those things.  And in my car I have a bag of clean Ziploc food containers, a Bible, a book, a sweatshirt, an umbrella and some tote bags.  Those are my everyday items.

Currently my non-everyday car items include: a wooden canvas frame, a stereo which is the last remaining gift my ex-husband gave me (we divorced in 2004), school books from when I volunteered at the Adult Literacy Council (have not done that in two years), a bag of towels, a ceramic sheep, shoe cleaner, Tigger’s car seat and some twine.  (I don’t know either.) (I don’t have the toilet handle in my car anymore because we used that.  And my potty still works!)

Also, and this is where this gets important, my car still contains every item I had stored at my last job.  The day that I was delivered the news that they could not keep me (and their loss, btw) was the day I started packing.  What a process that was.  If my car items are any indication, you can only imagine what I stored in my office.  Unfortunately, there was much crying and wailing with cloudy tear-filled eyes as I packed my car so most of that stuff was unceremoniously flung into the trunk with a few curse words but no planning.  I haven’t given it much thought since then, mostly because I don’t want to.  I don’t like reliving that. 

Every now and again I’ll have a vague notion of something I am missing.  I’ll remember having a really nice tape measure or the cutest picture of Pooh, and then I’ll remember that I had it at my former office which will cause me to lose any interest in finding it because I will remember what my trunk looks like. 

However, Christmas.  It rolled around like it seems to do every year.  I am decidedly not in the Christmas spirit this year.  I do not have a tree decorated.  I do not have snowflakes hung.  I do not have my Christmas baking items out.  I do have some snowmen salt and pepper shakers on the table, though, because they were in a closet and I ran across them one day.  Until Sunday, I had baked no cookies or treats and I only did it on Sunday because I had to for a party.  I am a Grinch.

Two weeks ago I thought I would bite the bullet and dig in the trunk of my car for something.  I have no idea what because as I was digging for it I caught a glimpse of pink glitter. 

Oh!  Oh I was so excited!  Glitzen!  I dug him out and he is now standing proudly at my desk, bringing Christmas cheer. 

Like last year, my new co-workers are appalled.  My new boss, who needs a name, was discussing Very Important Work Items with me and as we were conversing she kept flicking her eyes from me to my reindeer.  It don’t know how she didn’t give herself vertigo, it was so fast and furious.  Finally she whispered, “What is it?”

I tied a jaunty bow around his neck this year.  His horns are a little worse for wear, being smushed under all that stuff I threw into my trunk in my hissy fit rage.  But he is here, warming hearts and bringing some much needed color.  If I am going to be a Grinch, I will at least do it in style.

 Merry Christmas, y’all! 

December 2014 – Glitzen is in my new office now.  Here’s his spot . . .