June – Conversation with a snappy dresser
Dandy: Would you like to go to dinner and movie?
Jimmie: Sure, I’d love that.
Dandy: Great. Meet me there. Do I need to bring money for you?
Dandy: Oh, and wait. You’ll kiss me, won’t you? I don’t go out with girls who don’t kiss on the first date.
July – Series of conversations with a lovely, tall man
Tall Man: Jimmie, I am so glad that Freddie introduced us. You are amazing. I’ve never met anyone like you. <grinning and blushing the whole time>
Jimmie: I . . . thank you. I’m glad she introduced us, too. <also grinning and blushing the whole time>
Tall Man: Gosh, I like you. This is crazy. It’s wonderful.
Jimmie: Hee!
Tall Man: Also, I’m 90% sure I just want to be friends.
Jimmie: Huh. In that case, I’m 100% sure I don’t want to be friends. I already have a lot of friends.
October – Texts with a man with whom I had one perfectly innocent date months ago
Delusional Pervert: Hey . . . .
Jimmie: Hey
Delusional Pervert: I miss you
Jimmie: . . . . okay . . .
Delusional Pervert: Are you busy tonight?
Jimmie: Not particularly. What were you thinking?
Delusional Pervert: I could come over . . . .
Jimmie: Uh, no.
Delusional Pervert: But, XOXO
Jimmie: You know what, no.
Delusional Pervert: 🙂
Jimmie: What is my name?
Delusional Pervert: Sweetie, XOXO
Jimmie: I’m serious. You’ve been texting me randomly for months, clearly my number is in your phone, and you haven’t once said my name. What is it?
<Five minute pause>
Delusional Pervert: I don’t remember . . .
Delusional Pervert: Look, we can be FWB. I just really want sex. XOXO
Jimmie: You’ve got to be kidding me. I’m not your girl. Get lost.
Delusional Pervert: (and this part just slays me) Okay
November – Emails with another lovely, tall man
Man: Email, email, email, question?, email, hahahaha!
Jimmie: Chat, chat, chat, question?, question?, Chat, email, smiley face
Man: Oh, email! Email! Haha, love it, email!
Jimmie: Blather, blather, blather, talk, email, blather, haha!
<This continues for some days.>
Man: Email!
Jimmie: Email! Also, I know you’ve seen my blog and all my pictures but here’s one we just took today at the beach.
<radio silence> <dead air> <fade away blow off>
Show me the sexy in this. There is no sexy in this! There’s no sexy in me at all, is there?
Love, Jimmie 